Being in a “mixed race” relationship

With me being a white guy and my wife a black woman, we form an interracial couple. It really hasn’t been a big issue for us at all. The other day however, I happened to catch a movie on tv about an interracial couple who suffered all sorts of prejudice and problems because of their relationship, so I thought I’d write a bit about my own experience.Β 

Far right racism
Now, the movie was set somewhere in southern United States during the 1960’s, while we live in Northern Europe in 2018 – obviously two very different times and very different societies. So far, we have run into very few problems. Having said that, during the last couple of years, racism has been on the rise in Europe and has to some extent become more accepted here in Sweden. People who want to throw out all immigrants and especially those with a different skin colour (including for example my wife, who is from Brazil) are showing themselves much more openly on the internet and even as elected officials, than just a a couple of years ago. In last week’s election here in Sweden, a party founded by real life nazis in the 1990’s got 17,5% of the votes. Some of their voters and many of their politicians view white people who marry people of other races as traitors to the white race. Though these views – so far – are basically confined to rage tweets or hateful rants on Facebook, it is still a sad and scary trend.

The most racist comment about my relationship that anyone has said straight “to my face” however actually came from a Russian woman attempting to flirt with me. When I told her I already had a girlfriend and showed her a picture, she said:
“What?! How can you date a BLACK girl!? She is very lucky”…
Hearing that, honestly, I just felt pity for her.

Everyday prejudice
Though not at all as dangerous and hateful as the far right activists and racists, I have found that everyday prejudice, stereotypes and preconceived ideas from people – some of whom view themselves as conscious “anti-racists” – can be quite the nuisance. When we visit Brazil, my wife has noticed some people assume that she, as a black woman dating a white foreign man, is a “gold digger”. Here in Sweden, it’s not completely uncommon – especially for leftist leaning persons – to assume thatΒ a woman who came here from a South American country with “less white” people, is somehow by definition a victim and in constant need of help, support and protection from the government. Apparently, to these people, being a woman and being black makes you a “minority” and therefor automatically an oppressed victim. To a very independent and strong woman like my wife, this is quite insulting and it has annoyed her ever since she came here as a 14 year old girl, almost 10 years ago.

At the same time, from the same kind of people, I myself have met insinuations that the reason I got in a relationship with a Brazilian woman and not Swedish woman must be that I don’t want equality in a relationship, but rather a woman that I can dominate and oppress. A bizarre accusation that manages to be highly offensive both towards me and to my wife – and based on the ridiculous assumption that South American women are by in large oppressed victims.

I have to say, the positive reactions have by far outweighed the negative ones though.



15 thoughts on “Being in a “mixed race” relationship

      1. Rakkelle

        Please, please do check it out. Maybe you can ask your wife to read it too. Would love to hear if you’ve gone through some of the things my husband and I have.

        I read your piece and I can so relate. The insinuations and assumptions etc about why a white man and a black woman could ever get married. What about love? What about having amazing chemistry? What about compatibility? People blow my mind sometimes with their ignorance.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. mywifeisablackbelt Post author

        “The insinuations and assumptions etc about why a white man and a black woman could ever get married. What about love? What about having amazing chemistry? What about compatibility? People blow my mind sometimes with their ignorance.”


        And yes I’ll show your post to her too! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Tanisha Hall

    Thank you for the like on my post “being biracial” ! I really enjoyed reading this post, it was so informative! I never thought about how hard it might be for people in mixed race relationships..I wonder if my parents ever experienced anything like that!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s